


Alone but with You

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Bad Ending, Gunplay, Heavy Angst, M/M, Top Rick Grimes, Unhealthy Relationships, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-01-07 22:36:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12241956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: "It all happened like a perfectly timed explosion that you know is coming but you can't get out in time. You can't escape whatever fate is coming for you.  And while Rick thought he was stronger than this, stronger than sexual desire and a craving for a man that was destroying everything, he wasn't."





	1. There's Something in You

**Author's Note:**

> New Ways-Daughter inspired this (also the titles for both chapters are lyrics from the song)

_I’ve been trying to stay out_

  
_But there’s something in you_

  
_I can’t be without_

  
_I just need it here_

_-Daughter_

* * *

 

 

It all happened like a perfectly timed explosion that you know is coming but you can't get out in time. You can't escape whatever fate is coming for you. And while Rick thought he was stronger than this, stronger than sexual desire and a craving for a man that was destroying everything, he wasn't. Sometimes you give into someone despite how bad they are for you and then you enjoy the pain.

 

 

Rick laid on the floor of one of the empty houses in Alexandria and tried to catch his breath for the millionth time. He was laying right next to Negan who was just as spent as him. Normally he'd be getting cuddled like a lover but the older man seemed a little too quiet for comfort.

 

 

"What the fuck are we doing, Rick? Not to sound like a whiny bitch but are you fucking me 'cause you want to or 'cause it makes me go easier on your bitch ass community?"

 

 

And just as Rick wanted to say yes he knew the answer was more complicated than that.

* * *

 

_**3 months earlier:** _

  
_"Does it look like I give a fuck how hard it is for you to scavenge out there...." Negan paused and snapped his fingers. "What's your fucking name again?"_

  
_"My name's Rosita." She spat venomously._

_"Well Rosita, I quite frankly don't give a shit how difficult it's been for you and your pals. You provide for me and that's the way it is unless Ricks been feeding you a bunch of bullshit."_

  
_"What's the problem now, Negan" Rick asked with a tired look on his face._

  
_"Finally you've graced me with your god damn presence! I missed that gorgeous as fuck face of yours! I was just telling Rosita here that I don't need to hear your hardships every time I come for a visit."_

  
_Rick was growing tired of dealing with Negan's asshole behavior but he had no choice. He pinched the bridge of his nose then gestured for Rosita to go before she made things worse. That earned him a strong glare but nevertheless she disappeared from the direct vicinity rather quickly. And he couldn't blame her because he didn't want to deal with Negan either._

  
_"I don't want problems every time you come here, get your shit and leave." Rick said lowly._

  
_"Excuse the fuck outta me but I don't really like your tone."_

  
_"You're here to take more supplies that we barely have for ourselves and you're the one complaining? I've been compliant but you have to give a little too."_

  
_Negan narrowed his eyes, "If anyone else spoke to me like that I'd bash their fucking teeth in but I've got a soft spot for you, I'll admit."_

  
_Hearing that he was practically Negans favorite was grating and yet some form of relief came over Rick to know that he could possibly bend the situation if need be. He just nodded at the leather clad asshole and turned around to leave._

  
_"Wait, hold up a minute. I wanted to take you on a little drive just us two. I figure we need to spend some more quality time."_

  
_"I'll pass." Rick tried to say but there was a firm grip on his shoulder that wasn't wavering._

  
_"I think you forgot that I own you, that you're mine, that all of this is mine. So when I say that we're going on a trip then we're going on a trip. Now tell your little serial killer you're going out for a while and meet me at that RV of yours, with the keys."_

 

* * *

 

 

 

_"Remember the first time we were in this piece of shit together?" Negan asked with a cheery look._

 

  
_"I remember."_

 

  
_"Then you must remember what would happen if you were to try to kill me again." Negan pointed out with much enthusiasm.  
_

 

  
_Rick gritted his teeth and cocked his head sideways. "Yes."_

 

  
_"Good. That's real fucking good, Rick. It means that you get it now that you're not in control like you wanna be."_

 

  
_They kept driving for a while until Rick was getting impatient about the reason they really came out there, whether it was for Negan to teach him something or to prove a point. He didn't care either way and wanted to know if this would end with him getting his ass kicked. Or if it would end with both of them bloody on the floor together because that was the better alternative._

 

  
_"Do you ever think of working with all of the communities rather than takin' from us?" Rick asked, his fingers were tapping nervously on his leg. This was a loaded question that had to be asked because he couldn't live under Negan's rules anymore. And neither could his community or the other communities._

 

  
_"Why the fuck does that matter? It's never gonna happen."_

 

  
_"Why not?"_

 

  
_Negan stopped the RV abruptly, "Now why would I negotiate with a bunch of people who want me dead as door nails? I highly doubt that fiery widow will work with me after I bashed her husband's brains in."_

 

_Rick had no idea why he was attempting to reason with Negan. "She would work with you if it meant securing a better future for all of us."_

 

  
_"You'd have to make a compelling and I mean compelling argument for me to even consider this."_

 

 

  
_"But you'll think about it?" Ricks eyebrows perked up. "Eventually my people will fight back and you don't want that."_

 

  
_"I think your people shouldn't want that since I highly doubt you've got the numbers to beat me. And we both know if I really wanted to I could kill you. Although it'd be a real shame with how pretty you are."_

 

  
_Rick genuinely chuckled at the compliment, "You always seem to mention how pretty I am, never took you for the type."_

 

  
_"What the fuck do you mean by the type? You mean as in bi?" Negan flicked his tongue out._

 

  
_"Yeah, I just never thought you were into men."_

 

  
_"Well I am, you got a problem with that too?"_

 

  
_"No no." Rick shook his head. "Just surprised me."_

 

  
_For a second when he looked into Negan's eyes he thought they went dark for a second, he looked almost like a wolf who was ready to pounce on their prey. They had been tap dancing around the obvious sexual tension for the longest time so it wasn't out of the blue._

 

 

_Rick tried to look away but found that he couldn't keep his eyes off the older mans body more specifically. He had been coming to grips with his sexuality for years especially when Shane was still alive._

 

_"You look like you want something, Rick. Tell me what it is." Negan's voice was huskier than usual.  
_

 

_Rick scoffed loudly, "You'd like that wouldn't you? You'd love to have control over me in another way."_

 

 

  
_"Damn fucking right I would." Lemme ask you a question, how would you want it? Would you want me to bend you over or would I get to look at that pretty face of yours as I fucked you?"_

 

_Rick lunged out of his seat then grabbed the older man by his leather jacket and aggressively threw him on the floor. "Is this a fuckin' game to you?"_

 

  
_"That was a really stupid move, Rick."_

 

 

  
_"Answer the question!"_

 

 

  
_"You know what? Yeah it's pretty goddamn fun to toy with you." Negan got up off the floor then got so close to him that they were almost breathing the same air._

 

  
_Both men were huffing against each other and Negan slipped a hand behind Rick, his hands were pressed against his lower back and he could feel warm skin on his palm._

 

  
_Rick practically growled in the back of his throat. "Get your hands off me."_

 

  
_"Make me."_

 

_This was an obvious challenge that Rick didn't know if he should accept or not because it could have dire consequences. And explaining to Carl why he was limping and bloody wouldn't go very well. Lately Rick had been having a hard time with convincing his son not to do anything irrational. While he trusted Carl enough not to try anything..again.. he couldn't be around 24/7 to make certain of that._

 

 

_Rick pulled Negan down for a kiss that felt more like bruising than kissing. He bit against the older man's bottom lip, trying to draw blood, trying to make it hurt. But that seemed to motivate him more because he pushed Rick against the table and lifted him so he was sitting on it. They started taking their clothes off but Rick wanted to be in control of their situation, he wanted to be in control for once. So he took the opportunity to reverse their positions and roughly turned Negan around so he could bend him over._

 

  
_"You sure you're ready to do this?" Negan asked teasingly. "I mean if you can't handle fucking me I'll gladly - "  
_

 

  
_"Shut up."_

 

  
_Negan let out a really dark laugh, "You'll need to lube me up darling, otherwise you'll tear me apart. And normally I'd be topping you right now but you're pretty adamant about this shit huh?"_

 

 

_"Yes,now shut up." Rick snapped. "Where's the lube?"_

 

  
_"In my jacket."_

 

_Rick found two packets of lube in Negan's jacket pocket then opened them, spreading the lube on his fingers so he could quickly finger Negan's hole. He smiled deviously as Negan squirmed underneath his touch and almost whined as he fingered him rapidly, stretching him nice and good. Rick didn't think he'd be confident enough to do this but he just wanted to dominant the one person who had made him submissive._

 

  
_"Turn around, now." Rick deadpanned. "And open your mouth."_

 

  
_Negan chuckled and turned around without realizing that Rick had his gun out. "What the actual fuck?"_

 

  
_"The safety's on but I wanna remind you that I could kill you right now."_

 

_"You're fucking crazy, Rick."_

 

  
_Rick shoved his gun inside the other man's mouth and started pumping in and out, something twisted inside him wanted to take the safety off then kill him right then. Though it wouldn't be worth the mess or the explanation that he would have to give arriving back to Alexandria._

 

 

_He loved watching Negan slobber all over his gun but he needed to be inside of Negan already. Rick unbuttoned his jeans then pulled the zipper down to release his throbbing dick. He didn't need foreplay to get him going because he was harder than he wanted to admit._

 

  
_"Bend over right now." Rick demanded with a lust filled eyes._

 

 

  
Negan obeyed him with ease, _Whatever you fucking say but it won't be like this all the time because trust me when I say this..there will be another time. You will come crawling back to me and I'll happily let you in."  
_

_Everything was like a twisted dream from the next moment to the end where he came inside of Negan. First he pushed inside of the older man and the pleasure made him tremble in the knees. They both moaned together like it was some perfectly timed melody then he started going slower than Negan deserved._

 

 

_He worked him open a bit more until he grew tired of the pace and became brutal with his thrusts. The sound of skin slapping was filling the silence, his grip on Negan's sides were enough to almost draw blood and Rick would love to make him bleed. No one else could make him feel this angry during sex, the violence that was running through Rick's mind almost scared him..almost. And with every disturbing thought he dug his nails into the other mans flesh, making him bleed a little bit like he'd wanted. He hit Negan's prostate experimentally and felt him shake like a rattle against his body._

_"Fuck." Rick grunted as he began pounding just a bit harder into the loosened up hole. "You. feel. so. fuckin'. good."_

 

  
_"Use me, baby."_

 

_And that invitation was enough to make him do just that because the thrusts got more aggressive, the RV was shaking a little bit from the rough movements. Rick was on a sort of high as he drilled into Negan like there was literally no tomorrow. A spark was ignited up inside him that he never realized was there still. He thought he'd lost it in the fire that Negan started, the fire that took away the power he'd held in order to survive._

 

  
_Nothing about them screwing in the place that Negan mentally crippled him was normal but this was only about control. Not a need or desire for Negan. That's what Rick repeated to himself over and over in his head like a mantra._

 

  
_After what felt like a half hour of them fucking they both came hard and it left them both a huge mess, panting hard. Rick slid out of Negan and started laughing a bit._

 

  
_"Why the fuck are you even laughing?" Negan looked at him perplexed._

 

  
_"I enjoyed every minute of that, I don't even feel bad that I fucked you."_

 

  
_"So fucking what?"_

 

  
_"It means that you've really cracked me, Negan. "_

 

* * *

 

 

All that Rick really needed to do was get the hell out of the room before Negan demanded an answer to his question. He wanted to lie and say none of it meant anything, that he just wanted to rip him apart in any way he could. But it was obvious now that he was developing something emotional.

 

 

  
"Fuck you, Rick."

 

 

  
Rick contemplated his next course of action and then decided to get violent. Without any warning he got on top of Negan and wrapped his hands around his throat then squeezed. "You like this, don't you?"

 

 

  
"Gonna put that hole to good use while you're on top of me like this?" Negan winked from below.

 

 

  
"Maybe I am."

 

 

  
He started rocked back and forth on top of Negan's body, feeling his dick come back to life again. And he kept that motion going just to tease the older man, just to make him feel powerless.

 

 

  
"Too tired to actually fuck me?"

 

 

  
Rick tightened his hold on Negan's throat, "Seems you ain't tired enough to shut the fuck up."

 

 

  
"C'mon baby. Just fuck me." Negan semi whined.

 

 

  
It seemed he had no more patience to tease the hell out of Negan. So he positioned the thick length below him towards his hole then slid down. His eyes rolled to the back of his head when hands were on his sides to hold him in place. Negan began thrusting hard like he had a score to settle and Rick started bouncing.

 

 

 

"Fucking fuck! I don't think I can hold out as long as last time but nevertheless I'm going to fill..." Negan thrust upwards. "...your tight hole up with my cum..again."

 

 

  
Rick was just about to let out a loud moan when he heard a knock on the floor which stopped him in his tracks. He covered Negan's mouth so whoever was on the other side of the door wouldn't hear him.

 

 

  
"Hey, dad. Did you want me to make dinner tonight?" Carls voice was muffled through the door.

 

 

 

"If you want to Carl." Rick tried not to let his voice sound strained.

 

 

  
"Are you okay in there? Someone said Negan came by today alone so I wanted to make sure you were okay."

 

 

  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Rick responded back a little too quickly.

 

 

  
"Is he in there with you because no one mentioned that he left yet? Dad is he hurting you?" Carl didn't sound as angry as he usually would when it came to Negan. In fact he sounded scared.

 

 

  
"No no, we're just talkin' about a new arrangement and he wanted to run it by me alone. I'll meet you downstairs, Carl." Rick assured, trying to hide his moans as Negan fucked up into him.

 

 

  
"Okay. As long as everything's fine."

 

 

  
Rick waited until he heard his sons footsteps grow fainter then he released his palm from Negan's mouth. "You're such an ass."

 

 

  
"Good thing he didn't walk in on us 'cause he woulda lost his other eye seeing us like this."

 

 

  
Without even thinking it through he punched Negan in the mouth hard and went for another hit but he got knocked off. Rick was pretty much naked so he slid his boxers on quickly. And then Negan knocked him to the floor like it was nothing.

 

 

  
"You're such a weak fucking bitch." Negan swung his foot into Ricks stomach. "I should just fuck you like this, fuck you into the floor like a goddamn slut."

 

 

  
Rick pulled his boxers down to show that's what he wanted. "Then do it."

 

 

  
They were still relatively hard so Negan slid inside him pretty easy and moaned loudly against his neck. "I've loosened this fucking hole so good."

 

 

  
"Just fuck me."

 

 

  
"I'm starting to think it's more than just sex." Negan moaned above him.

 

 

 

Ricks face was pushed against the hardwood floor that he was rocking hard against, his chest was starting to burn.

 

 

  
"You couldn't answer me earlier so that just proves my point."

 

 

  
While Negan was right about that Rick still couldn't give him anything other than an aggressive response. Anything else was too much. That's it had been from the get go, sexual tension waiting to boil over. Rick had to hide it from everyone and keep it locked tight in a vault. If anyone found out about them it would ensure emotional mayhem.

 

 

Rick didn't even feel all that ashamed about the sex, he felt more angry at himself that he didn't feel bad. To have everyone know who he was behind doors, who he was when he was alone with Negan, would be traumatizing.

 

 

And for the longest time Rick had felt alone in a way, alone in his thoughts, alone in the course of action he wanted to take. **Alone.**

 

 

  
But the one person he strangely had was Negan who he shouldn't want in the first damn place. Rick rocked his ass back to meet with Negan's rapid thrusts that got harder until he came inside him.

 

 

Rick came a few seconds afterwards and laid there limp. "You're right."

 

 

  
"Right about which?" Negan genuinely seemed confused about what Rick meant.

 

 

  
"About the reason why I can't answer your question. Truth is I don't even know.. not sure I wanna know why."

 

 

Negan got his boxers and jeans back on with one swift lift. "You don't wanna know because I'm the one you're supposed to hate. Not the one you're supposed to roll around in the sack with.  Since we're finished I'm gonna get going, I'll come by for another visit soon."

 

 

 

The second the older man slipped on his boots he was out the door without any glances or kisses goodbye. And Rick felt the loneliness creep in, reminding him that he'd need Negan inside him again soon.


	2. I Can't Be Without

 

The ache inside him wasn't quelled until he was with Negan.

 

 

Most people say not to get attached to another person or to not get addicted because people always leave. And then they leave you with scraps of themselves, whether it be memories, forgotten items of clothing, anything. But Rick didn't care about how addicted he was to the touch of someone that had damaged him. They were still fucking whether it was in vehicles, Rick's house, some empty house in Alexandria or anywhere they could. Alexandria was still having to give tributes. Everyone was still radiating with anger and pain.

 

  
Yet Rick found he wasn't really angry anymore.

 

 

In the beginning Rick would have hated himself for sinking into what felt like an endless void but it didn't even fucking matter. Maybe the anger was shoved so deep that he couldn't tell if it was there anymore. Maybe he really did hate himself. Though he just didn't see the point of letting anger simmer for months on end. It wouldn't bring back those they'd lost. Glenn. Abraham. They were still dead and hating Negan wasn't going to change that fact, there was no wand to wave or wish to be granted.

 

 

Some part of him did remind him on occasion that he was screwing the very man who tossed him in a foggy field, who sexually subjugated him, who snapped him in half. Yet he still kept doing it. He still kept meeting Negan in empty houses, still kept going on runs with him, still. kept. fucking.

 

 

One faithful day things took a huge shift when they were making out in the pantry because there were too many people around everywhere else. Rick's tongue tasted the cigarette that Negan had been smoking. And his hands always found their way to the small of Negan's back.

 

 

  
He got pressed hard against one of the shelves which caused a can of beans to fall to the floor.

 

 

  
Rick chuckled into their kiss, "I think maybe we should get back before someone finds us."

 

 

  
Negan groaned and shook his head. "Who the fuck cares if someone does? Is there some homophobic brigade around or some shit? Why are you so fucking concerned with what these people think of you? You're the leader, not them."

 

 

  
"What I've built here has been about more than just my decisions and wants, Negan."

 

 

  
Discussions about leadership or their communities always went the exact same. Rick would speak about a more democratic system where as Negan would speak about punishment, rules and how they keep you alive. And he couldn't forget mentioning his several wives who were basically with him for services, not that Rick was judging but they weren't marriages built on respect or love.

 

 

What he didn't understand was how Negan didn't see that his way wouldn't rebuild the world or make people happy in the long run of things. They were always dancing around that aspect of the way he handled his own community but Rick really wanted to tell him to stop taking from Alexandria. He wanted to tell him to stop taking from everyone because as much as he didn't want the hate to bubble again - it would if he kept this shit up.

 

 

  
Before they could get into a serious conversation about it Negan ripped open Rick's button up without any regard for damaging it. "Enough about all this shit." He pinched one of Ricks rosy nipples then twisted in a pleasurable way.

 

 

  
"Y-you always do this..you distract me with sex when we need to have discussions.

 

 

Negan ignored him then wrapped his mouth around his left nipple, sucking on it earnestly and then pulling at it with his teeth.

 

 

"Mmm, we should find somewhere else to do this." Rick moaned softly.

 

 

 

"What if I don't want to? What if I wanna fuck the living hell outta you against this shelf?"

 

 

  
Sometimes Rick found it was way too easy to catch Negan off guard, to distract him while he did what he wanted. He pulled Negan's head away and switched their positions so Negan was pressed against the shelf. His hand roughly groping the bulge that was growing in front of his grey jeans then leaned against Negan's ear.

 

 

  
"Here's how this is gonna go: I'm gonna fuck you and make you moan my name while your mouth is pressed against the wall."

 

 

 

Negan looked at him with nothing but lust on his face."Have you always been this way, Rick? Or were you strictly vanilla before? I bet you were always craving a dirty fuck but just never got it."

 

 

 

"Shut up." Rick put his mouth on Negan's mouth again and both their hands were going all over each other's bodies.

 

 

 

"What the fuck!?"

 

 

  
There was no mistaking that voice and when Rick turned to look his shoulder he saw Rosita staring at him with absolute disgust. Her hands were resting where her gun would usually be.

 

 

 

"What - what are you doin' in here? I thought you were out on a run?" Rick asked, trying to keep the conversation casual while he still had Negan against the shelf.

 

 

 

Rosita looked at him furiously, "Are you fucking him? Are you seriously fucking the asshole who... you know what I can't even look at your dumb ass face right now."

 

 

 

"Are you gonna tell the others?" Rick asked her with a pleading look in his eyes.

 

 

  
"Why shouldn't I? Hm? You certainly got no problem groping him where we store our food, why should I keep your dirty little secret?"

 

 

  
While he wanted to find a reason for her not to expose him, there was literally no reason. But if everyone knew what he was doing and that he enjoyed it, that the guilt wasn't dripping all over him anymore - they would lose their shit. Rick gathered himself then quietly told Negan to shut the fuck up.

 

 

  
"The only reason I don't want you to tell them is 'cause it would create more drama than there needs to be. It's best for everyone if you don't." Rick looked into her eyes but couldn't make out her expression.

 

 

  
Rosita's deep brown eyes leveled with his, "Fine. I'll keep this secret but if this piece of shit even so much as tries to hurt anyone else - I'll tell everyone."

 

 

  
"Thank you, Rosita.. I -"

 

 

  
"Don't even say you're sorry."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Their secret was kept by Rosita who looked even more unimpressed whenever Negan would show up with the Saviors or just alone. No one was catching on to why Negan made frequent visits when it wasn't for tributes. They would just ignore the man as he charismatic-ally strolled through the streets of Alexandria like he belonged there. When the only place he really belonged was with Rick.

 

 

  
Rick was almost shaking when Negan rolled up to the gates and it was tribute day. That was probably one of the most fucked up parts about wanting the man so much. How he would be so excited (on the inside) to see him even though he'd be taking half their shit. Somehow Rosita was there every single time he showed up for a tribute, she would sport the same look of disgust she always did.

 

 

  
"Ooh your boyfriend's here." Rosita whispered beside him.

 

 

  
"He ain't my -" Rick tried to explain to her but she cut him off with ease.

 

 

Rosita scoffed rather loudly, "So you're just screwing him to screw? That's even worse." She stomped over to the gate then opened it before Negan could make some remark about how they needed to do that.

 

 

  
"Look at how eager everyone is to see me! You went and opened the fucking gate for me without me even having to ask!"

 

 

  
"Whatever." Rosita turned on her heel then walked right back into town.

 

 

 

Negan whistled as if he was really impressed with her bravery. "Holy shit she's got a set on her, I mean every single fucking time she's bold about how much she hates me."

 

 

  
"Everyone is."

 

 

  
"But not you baby, no no you're always bold about how much you want me. Taking a look at you right now I can see how you're feigning for a little bit of Negan. I can't say I blame you darling."

 

 

  
"Don't act like I'm the only one craving here." Rick countered.

 

 

  
There was no way in hell that Negan didn't want just as badly, that his fingers weren't anxiously tapping on his leg on the drive over, that he didn't think about him. Rick didn't like being too obnoxious but he wasn't a bad lover. And the way he fucked Negan always had him trembling like the first time. He stared into hazel eyes that kept alternating between soft and lustful.

 

 

 

Negan didn't say anything back to him for once and Rick took that as a sign that he was right.

* * *

 

 

Negan loved what he'd awoken inside of Alexandria's leader. The aggressive behavior was all because of him, how Rick would rough house him and make him feel so many things at once. Those baby blues would stare into his eyes as he got pounded and it would make him cum so hard.

 

 

"Today I plan to take less than half of your shit, Rick."  Negan mentioned casually like they were discussing the weather.

 

 

"What?" Rick's baby blues went as wide as saucers.

 

 

  
"You heard me pretty loud and clear Ricky."

 

 

  
Rick stammered and almost lost his footing, "Why are you doin' this?"

 

 

  
Negan suppressed his eye roll because it was pretty damn obvious why. " Well because you're a great fuck, because I want to, because I fucking can."

 

 

  
Something was stirring inside of Rick that he needed to release and it was more than just lust, maybe gratitude for going easier on them or whatever.

 

 

Rick reached for Negan's hand and pulled him off in a different direction. Apparently the one other person who knew about them was Arat because of security purposes so he didn't have to worry about being allowed. Rick rushed them into one of the empty houses then slammed the door behind him.

 

 

  
Immediately Rick flung the older man towards the living room so he'd end up on the couch. When he saw Negan ripping off his clothes the lust started to stir again, wrapping around every inch of him. More specifically his jeans. Rick got his clothes then went in on Negan the moment he got to the couch. Their lips were pressed hard against each other's in a battle for dominance. And Rick was already winning because he twisted the older man around then bent him over the couch.

 

 

  
He searched for lube in Negan's leather jacket and came upon an idea they never tried before. "Put this back on."

 

 

 

"Just the jacket?" Negan seemed puzzled for a second.

 

 

  
Rick nodded once then tossed the jacket at Negan, "Just the jacket."

 

 

  
"I gotta say this is pretty fucking hot that you wanna fuck me with just my jacket on, Rick. What's gotten into you today? Not that you're never a dirty motherfucker but..."

 

 

  
"Why am I more aggressive than usual? I don't really know and right now all I want is to be inside you so put. it. on."

 

 

  
Without any more hesitation Negan obeyed and slid his jacket back onto his slender body while the rest of him was completely naked. "Now hurry the fuck up."

 

 

  
It may have been out of character for him to do but Rick found himself digging his nails into Negan's ass, grabbing then lightly slapping. "Shut up."

 

 

  
Negan howled with laughter, "That is so fucking hot."

 

 

It got even more rough from there because Rick couldn't have it any other way. He lathered up two of his fingers with lube and shoved them inside Negan. As he held the older man still he finger fucked his hole, going in and out like this was the last time. The desperation hit them both full force, Rick was moaning and Negan whined for more. Rick removed his fingers then rubbed the head of his dick against Negan's opening. He slapped his hard length against Negan's ass a little bit before teasing his hole again.

 

 

 

This was undoubtedly teasing himself but he wanted to get Negan to beg for it. Maybe even get him to let out that whine he did a few minutes ago. Rick let his hands run over the long back in front of him. His fingers crawled up then back down to the small of his back again.

 

 

 

Negan tried to lean back so he'd been filled but Rick pulled away. "Can you fuck me already?"

 

 

  
"No, you need to beg me first." Rick responded in a low tone.

 

 

  
"F-f-fucking please, Rick."

 

 

  
"That ain't good enough for me..I guess you don't want it badly enough."

 

 

  
Negan groaned like he was in pain, "Fine. I fucking need it, Rick. Please give it to me..please..pretty fucking please with a cherry on - "

 

 

Without waiting another second Rick pushed all the way inside with one rough thrust. They both let out shaky moans but Negan especially loud about it. Like he was with everything. His face wasn't positioned into the couch so Rick couldn't silence him that way. Rick attempted but his arms weren't long enough to reach Negan's face. So he let the man moan as loud as he wanted. 

 

 

The longer they fucked Rick felt himself stepping over the ledge and he just knew he wasn't coming back from that.

 

 

   
There wasn't any fighting that firm step over the line that he didn't realize he hadn't crossed yet. He was completely addicted to Negan - he was too far in. And trying to escape that factor wouldn't be happening. Rick slapped against Negan's ass so hard that he left a hand print there.

 

 

  
"F-fuck." Negan yelped. "Go harder cowboy."

 

 

  
Rick adjusted himself so that he could get in a more comfortable stance and started going even faster. "You like this? Huh? Speak when you're fuckin' spoken to!"

 

 

 

"I love it! I fucking love it, Rick!"

 

 

  
"That's right 'cause you're mine, you hear me Negan? Say that you're mine."

 

 

 

  
Negans voice was hitching and croaky, "I-I-I'm yours."

 

 

 

Lifting Negan's hips just enough Rick started to hit his prostate with every single thrust. His hand reached forwards to grab onto the throbbing length between Negan's leg and stroked with ease.

 

 

Rick kept fucking right into Negan as fast as he could manage. "That's fuckin' right and I want you to remember how good I make you feel. I want you to remember this."

 

 

It wasn't long until Rick came inside Negan and rode out the rest of his high. Negan followed right after with a rather loud grunt. Like always they were left there speechless and satisfied.

* * *

 

 

The Saviors were taking less each time they came for pick ups which Negan assured was going to be a permanent thing. Even though he said he would probably not taking altogether he would lighten the load on them specifically. Where as the other communities were fair game because he needed these supplies. And why he couldn't go out and scavenge like the rest of them Rick still didn't understand. But this meant a better future for Alexandria in a whole, this could mean the start of so much more than surviving.

 

  
Rick waited at the gate for Negan but this time Rosita wasn't there alongside him to bother him about what he was doing. He quickly opened the gate when the trucks rolled in but there weren't as many Saviors as usual. There was only a handful of them with guns as usual and Arat who was commanding them to take boxes out. Why they were unloading things was beyond Rick.

 

 

He strode over to Arat who was wearing a dark grey headband, "What are you guys doin' with those boxes?"

 

 

  
Negan intervened in the conversation ,"We're bringing you shit instead of taking it this time, that's why! Arat would you be the bad ass you are and make sure these guys don't fuck anything up."

 

 

  
While Arat was barking orders at all the people who were unloading boxes Negan turned to him and pressed a hand on his flushing cheek. Rick was surprised by the touch then found himself leaning into it.

 

 

Rick shook himself out of the moment, "So you won't be takin' from us today?"

 

 

  
"Nope. Everything we're unloading off that truck is for you and your people. Do whatever the fuck you want with it but make sure it goes to use." Negan let his hand rest to his side again.

 

 

This couldn't possibly be happening because of the sex or could it?

 

 

  
"Thank you, Negan."

 

 

  
Negans wolf like grin appeared, "You're fucking welcome darling."

 

 

  
The pet names always made Rick feel a bit weak in his knees if he was being honest, especially when Negan would lean in just a little bit closer. No one was watching them or paying attention to what they were doing. Negan pulled him in for a quick kiss on the lips then let his hand drag down Rick's chest.

 

 

  
"I need to discuss something with you and I kinda don't wanna have this discussion in front of my soldiers. Let's go."

 

 

Rick followed suit behind the overly charismatic leader who always seemed to consume everything. In his eyes Negan was like a tornado that swooped up whatever was in his path.  Which in this case Rick was included in that.  Sometimes it seemed strange that he paid attention to Negan like that.

 

 

It made Rick think about how he was with Shane before the world ended. The way he knew him from top to bottom, grew up with him, developed feelings that were never really addressed. And yet here he was again, being close to someone who had a raging darkness inside them.

  


   
They ended up inside of Rick's house since no one was home which apparently Negan couldn't give a fuck if anyone was home or not. "So what I want to say might not be what you wanna hear."

 

 

 

_What the fuck is it now?_

 

 

 

  
"Just spit it out, Negan." Rick stood with his arms crossed and his boot tapping on the floor.

 

 

  
Negan started pacing like he was nervous about something specific. "You've got me wrapped around those pretty fingers of yours, you know that right? I mean I sure as fuck wouldn't let anyone else handle me the way you do."

 

 

  
"Can you get to the point." Rick said impatiently.

 

 

  
"My point is that you've got a hold one me that I can't seem to shake." Negan huffed out a nervous laugh. " Fuck this is sappy but there's obviously more to this than you might want to admit."

 

 

 

"I don't know what you're talkin' about."

 

 

  
"That's complete bullshit, Rick. You've got feelings for me, it's written all over your fucking face."

 

 

 

  
Rick's palms were sweating now, "No."

 

 

 

"Stop fighting the inevitable, stop fighting yourself all the goddamn time, you've given into me this far so why not just admit to it." Negan stopped pacing and gave him an incredulous look.

 

 

 

"So what if I do? What difference does it make? Everyone here will still hate you no matter what I feel."

 

 

 

Negan rolled his eyes, "Again, who gives a fuck? We're too deep in this now to quit, unless you wanna deprive yourself of what you want."

 

 

 

They were staring at each other with an intensity that was stronger than reckless waves during a storm. And Rick didn't know what he could say to convince Negan that he really didn't feel anything for him. To make him believe that he didn't even though that was further from the actual truth.


	3. I Just Need It Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect a happy ending, I rarely give y'all those. Also yes this is extremely short.

Rick did want, he wanted so badly that the want violently thrashed inside him.

 

 

How could someone have such a hold on another person like this? There was no way it was healthy for either of them. Yet Rick couldn't bother to really care about that.

 

 

Every time he tried to imagine not getting his fill it made him anxious. Negan was his drug and his addiction and he couldn't sober up. Since Negan didn't seem to be leaving willfully, Rick tried to exit the room himself.

 

 

  
"I don't fucking think so." Negan stopped him midway. "We need to discuss this."

 

 

Rick glared then walked to a different part of the house and Negan followed him. "I don't know what you're thinkin' is gonna happen? That we'll somehow be a thing and my family will invite you to dinner? The way we're goin' I'll be lucky if there's anythin' left of me by the end of it."

 

 

  
"That's the fucking point. You wouldn't be able to quit me and I sure as hell can't quit you it seems. I bet you couldn't even last the next visit without wanting me to fuck me."

 

 

"Do you want me to agree with you? Fine, I couldn't do that. I want to feel sick from having you touch me and I just can't."

 

 

Negan stared at him sympathetically and tried to reach for his hand. "You think at this point that I want you to hurt?"

 

 

"It's ridiculous that you'd even ask me that question when all you've done is that. That's how this all started after all. The very night we met is a prime example of that." Rick jerked his hand away. "I won't even tell you that this won't happen again 'cause I know it will."

 

 

"So who cares if it happens now then?"

 

 

The more Negan inched towards him made him feel powerless, so Rick didn't move out of the way. Even when he should move, he couldn't that. Rick let Negan's hands find their way to his waist. One of those long fingers was playing with the belt loops. Rick closed his eyes and that's when Negan kissed the corner of his mouth. His lips stayed still while Negan kissed everywhere but his lips.

 

 

Rick had an inkling that Negan was waiting for him to reciprocate. Which is why he wasn't doing that because he couldn't give in quickly. Despite how much his body was leaning into Negan's.

 

 

When he let himself open his eyes he saw Negan glancing down at his lips. Rick unbuttoned his jeans but not in a rushed fashion like he usually would. No, he took his time so that he could show he was patient.

 

 

Rick felt like he was being engulfed in flames with how hot his skin was. "Dammit."

 

 

  
"What?" Negan whispered softly. "What is it?"

 

 

The response was pointless to give so instead Rick brought his lips towards Negan's. He kissed him differently than he normally would, he was all tongue and less teeth. Rick had them stumbling towards the kitchen.

 

 

Rick didn't know if it was in his imagination but the world was spinning all of a sudden. It was just them in the room and there weren't any worries present. All that Rick could feel and taste was Negan. They didn't talk at all while they fucked, Negan just bent Rick over against the wall, sloppily lubed them both up and fucked him. Rick panted and Negan moaned quietly. The thrusts were deep but a bit slower like Negan was savoring the pleasure.

 

 

  
When they were finished Rick walked back out of the house with Negan. He noticed Arat was giving a look but it faded once Negan noticed. They carried on the rest of the time without breathing a word to each other.

* * *

 

 

 

Rick rarely ever stood guard at the gate unless the Saviors were coming. But he needed a break from his usual routine so he took a shift and stood by the gate. No one was around and it seemed quiet for a while. Lately Michonne had been giving him the cold shoulder and he didn't understand why. As far as Rick was concerned she had no clue about him and Negan.

 

 

Before Rick knew it his quiet time was over because Rosita was headed towards him. She didn't look like she was fuming with anger so he let himself breathe. Out of everyone that could find out about his secretive relationship. It just had to be Rosita. The one person who wouldn't sugar coat what she felt about anything.

 

 

At first Rosita just stood close to him and didn't even glance over. Then she left out a deep sigh like she'd been holding her words in that whole time. Rick braced himself for a speech on how wrong he was.

 

 

That had always been a thing about Rosita that he respected, her honesty.

 

 

Rosita put both hands on her hands, "Why are you doing it?"

 

 

"Why am I what?" Rick pretended not to understand what she was talking about.

 

 

  
"Don't play dumb. Why are you fucking him?" Rosita rolled her shoulders.

 

 

Rick rubbed the tiredness from his eyes. "I don't have a good answer for that. I know that I should hate him but I don't feel hate for him anymore. Whatever this is ..it's an addiction and I feel like I can't stop."

 

 

"I've seen met people like him, they make you feel special like you can't be without them. And for a while it doesn't feel like it will kill you until it finally does."

 

 

  
"What do I do?"

 

 

Rosita pat his shoulder once before turning around to leave. "Try not to let that asshole destroy you."

 

* * *

 

 

  
Over time Rick felt himself withering away into nothing.

 

 

Michonne eventually did break up with him and it left both him and Carl in a very difficult position.

 

 

Everything could fall apart was which made Rick realize what Rosita meant by not letting Negan destroy him. Despite his attempts to keep what he had with Negan a secret, it all came tumbling down. All it took was Carl walking in on them making out and that was the end.

 

 

The conversation was brief and it was basically Carl telling asking why he'd ever touch Negan. One thing lead to another and Carl moved out several days after finding out. He left a note saying that he was going to the Hilltop.

 

 

And Rick couldn't even blame Carl for wanting to get away from him.

 

 

 

To make matters worse he still kept fucking Negan but that came to a halt when Negan noticed how disconnected he was.

 

 

 

"It feels wrong to fuck you like this." Negan exhaled deeply before tugging his grey jeans up. "If you could see yourself right now -"

 

 

 

"Then don't." Rick snapped. "Don't touch me anymore if you don't want to."

 

 

 

"That wasn't what I meant, Rick. Goddammit would you just listen to me? I'm trying to tell you that I don't wanna take advantage like this. We need to stop for a while. Damn, I never thought I'd say this shit."

 

 

 

"Oh, so now you've come to this conclusion? Where was that conclusion months ago?"

 

 

 

Negan gave him a warning look, "Watch your tone."

 

 

 

"Or what? You'll hurt me?" Rick's mouth twitched.

 

 

 

"I don't want to, not anymore but I mean it when I say you need to watch your goddamn tone."

 

 

 

"No."

 

 

Rick tried to go for Negan's belt again because he'd always given into him before. And that's when Negan stopped him before he could get it undone. They were hanging by a very thin thread. That much was clear. Rick searched for that desperate need and wasn't finding it in Negan's eyes this time. All he saw was shame like Rick was a toy that was too broken to handle.

 

 

  
"Are you seriously doin' this right now? Right when I really need this." Rick asked him with sheer desperation.

 

 

  
Negan didn't even look at him when he said, "Yes. We need to stop for a little bit. I can stay with you tonight but we can't fuck."

 

 

 

"Then get out." Rick seethed. "Get the fuck out!"

 

 

The facial expression that Negan gave him wasn't shock or rage, it was just pain. Without giving him any second glances Negan left the house and Rick was alone again. Only this time he was really alone.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason that i decided to add a third part to this was basically due to my impulsiveness. I also thought it wouldn't hurt to do but this was indefinitely a very bleak ending. Which was the whole point since their relationship in this was bound to lead to this outcome.


End file.
